Navigating Childhood Grief with Games: Pokemon Gold and Silver
(CW for family death and illness)
Pokemon Gold and Silver recently turned 25 on November 21, 2024, which means it is now old enough to rent a car, and announce an insanely well designed line of anniversary merchandise that I cannot afford (or acquire since it sold out immediately anyway). This anniversary had me looking back on my childhood relationship with these games, as they were kind of a big deal when they came out- and for good reason.
My older brother and I were no exception in being a part of the Pokemon boom of the 90s. So naturally as avid players of the Red and Blue versions, we were crazy with anticipation for Gold and Silver. Every trip to the grocery store would have us running to the magazine racks and flipping to the pages that had coverage of the Japanese versions of G/S. "What do you mean the game would have a morning/day/night cycle? Baby Pokemon? New Eeveelutions? What the heck are steel and dark types?" The game couldn't come out sooner. Our patience paid off when the titles would release and we each got a respective version on Christmas of 2000. Silver for my brother (who thought Lugia was cool as hell) and Gold for myself.
For the years between 1999-2001, my brother and I would be in and out of hospitals due to our mother being diagnosed with breast cancer. This was uncharted territory for someone my age at the time, who just knew "something" was wrong but wasn't equipped with enough knowledge at 8 years old to figure it out (Especially since at that age, you don't really think you can lose a parental figure that early. They're supposed to be invincible, right?). It was a strange time, as a lot of family members were around but were obviously preoccupied with the more important issue at hand, making the air feel really lonely. Though at the very least, the one thing I was truly grateful for was having my brother nearby at the time. And, granting us a momentary reprieve were the games we could take with us while we had to wait in the hospital.
There would always be an unspoken race between my brother and I to finish the games, usually with him winning because he knew what he was doing- wait, what do you mean I can't solo everything in my path with a Meganium despite the clear type disadvantages? Ash did it in the show, so why can't I! We also called dibs on which new Eeveelution we wanted first; I opted for Espeon because of its "funny purple ear hair", and he got Umbreon for its "onion ring pattern". We relied on each other for trading evolutions and dex entries ("Give me your Feraligatr- No I PROMISE I'll give it back!"). I remember being told why the heck wasn't I sending prize money to the mom character, because she would buy you items or even a room decoration occasionally, and now I HAD to do it for the little Charmander plush! Of course she would never get it for me due to my luck in games but that's a rant for another time. And of course, I have to mention the commiserating over repeatedly losing to Whitney's Miltank- a 90s kid rite of passage.
Later in 2001, our lives would be uprooted with our mother's passing and everything after was scary, new uncharted territory for us. We would become latchkey kids that had to take ourselves to and from school everyday, though the uneasiness around it would slowly disappear while we tried to find new little rituals to normalize it. Every morning before school, my brother and I would do the mystery gift function in G/S to get our daily in-game goodie. Unfortunately, this would usually result in me starting the school day cranky as hell because he would get a really good item and I would end up getting a Hi-Potion, or something equally worthless.
Even now I'm finding new things to appreciate in Gold and Silver after all this time, like learning that the Johto region is based off of the Kansai region in Japan, and how Goldenrod is based off of Osaka and Ecruteak off of Kyoto. After having visited both places last year, I have a newfound appreciation for all of these little details. Things like taking the bullet train for the first time ("It's like the Magnet Train to Kanto!") or the time my husband and I went to the top floor of a department store and found a seating area with lined with vending machines and he was like, "It's like the department store in Goldenrod City! I wondered why all those machines were up there!"
I can't think or even replay these games without thinking about all of these moments that included them, and how they provided a tiny amount of solace during a time where there was anything but. I am grateful that Gold and Silver was in my life during such a time when my whole world was being turned upside down- but I certainly wasn't going through it alone, and was playing my journey alongside someone else important to me.